Monica Marie Jones
Return to Self
One of my clients inspired the creation of an activity I call, “Me, Not Me.” When we want to do great work and spark joy in others, we often say “Yes” as a reflex. This happens before we clearly think through whether it is something we really want to do or have the capacity to do. The purpose of the activity is to separate the things we want to be doing from the things we are only doing because other people think we should be doing them. What we tend to discover when we practice this process is that much of what we’ve agreed to is driven by our desire to please others more than by our own true passions or interests. I don’t know if it is age or how the world has changed, but I’ve been very heavy in the “Me” category these days. As you might imagine, this type of shift may be jarring to people who are used to you always saying “Yes” or doing things the way they feel they should be done. As a recovering people pleaser, this has not been easy. Shame and guilt rise up regularly, but I have to remember that it’s ok to say “Yes” to myself as much as, if not more than I say it to everyone else. Here are a few strategies that will support you in returning to you. Limit Your Listening. As a coach, I basically listen for a living. Having grown this skill over the years makes me a natural listener in non-business situations as well. I learned the hard way that without boundaries, this can be harmful. Having a gift for listening doesn’t require you to listen to everything from everyone. I’ve experienced adverse visceral reactions while listening to people share information with me that is quite simply none of my business. The upset that this caused was my gut alerting me that I had to set some boundaries to protect my own mental health and wellbeing. In these instances, boundaries may look like reducing, or eliminating your availability to those who share upsetting information. If you choose the reduction route, put topic and time limits on what you’ll listen to and for how long. 'Me, Not Me' Sort. Here’s how the activity that I mentioned above works. Write all your current commitments as well as goals you’ve set or that you are considering on separate Post It Notes. Now sort them into two categories, one titled “Me,” and the other with the heading, “Not Me.” Think deeply about whether you are doing or considering doing each thing for yourself, or to please someone else. Once you’ve sorted everything, take note of what you need to rethink, release, or refocus on for yourself. Thrill Seeking. We know that we’ll be frightened, scared, or even terrified, yet we still get on roller coasters, visit haunted houses, and watch scary movies. What if we used that same energy going into choosing ourselves? Lately I’ve been saying “No” more often and I’m sure that it has upset some people in that I’ve fallen short of the expectations they’ve set for me. The rejection and resentment that are directed toward me as a result feel scary in the moment, but the impact that it has on me is only temporary. The reward of the respect, commitment, and acceptance that I direct toward myself on the other side of the temporary discomfort has been thrilling. The added treat I've experienced is that people who truly love me come around eventually. Just like the increase in sunshine and growth that comes with Spring, in time, the resistance lifts leaving me feeling seen, heard, and understood. This week I challenge you to consider the ways in which you can make a small shift that will help you to return to yourself. Manifestation Affirmations I am accepting myself. I am limiting my availability to environments that drain me. I am facing my fears to redeem the rewards on the other side.
Master Your Mindset to Manifest a Life You Love. Most Sincerely, Monica Marie Jones Your Soul Journey Guide