The Common Thread
The unraveling of my relationships was my reaction to rejection. This weekend I had a great conversation about love, life, and the impact of the choices and decisions that we make. During this discussion, I had a breakthrough where I became aware of the common thread that made all of my romantic relationships up to this point come undone. The moment there was even a hint of perceived rejection, I swiftly took action to sabotage each union. I remember every moment clearly. My high school boyfriend didn’t want me to wear his football jersey in public like the other girls who were in relationships with football players. My college boyfriend reacted as if his worst nightmare walked through the door when my best friend and I arrived at the same night club where he was hanging out with his best friend. His best friend was dating my best friend, so we totally thought they would be happy to see us. In my young adult relationship, it was the strong adverse reaction and look of pure repulsion at a family reunion when a relative asked him when we were getting married. In hindsight, I know that they all really cared about me, and their youthful choices weren’t intended to cause me harm. It was the stories that I told myself and what I made those incidents mean. These were the catalysts for my destructive behaviors that followed. Actions that ultimately led to the demise of each relationship. By the world’s standards, I was an adult, but each instance activated the scared and angry little girl in me who felt her only means of survival was to protect her already fragile and wounded heart by any means necessary. I could go into a deep analysis of why I reacted the way I did, but my point here is that when we are trying to form a deeper relationship with self, and perhaps shift some patterns or break some cycles that no longer serve us, it’s important to identify the common thread that is weaved throughout the mistakes that we repeat. Rejection was my trigger, and until I learned through time, maturity, coaching, and therapy how to deal with that thread, I continued to pull on it and watch the garment of my love life unravel. What is your thread? What is that real or perceived thing that leads you to behaviors that cause harm to self or others? Perhaps it is abandonment, perfectionism, cultural stereotypes, or witnessing certain characteristics in others that are shared by someone who caused you harm in the past. Here are some strategies to help you move forward when you find yourself swirling down the dark drain of self-sabotage. Clip the Thread. Early on in my current relationship, my honey noticed my proclivity toward anger. I called it my scorpion wrath. He kindly yet firmly said, “We don’t need her here.” Just like a loose thread that threatens to destroy a perfectly fitting and feeling sweater, we must cut the stories, behaviors, and limiting or downright false beliefs that no longer serve us. Mend the Garment. Sometimes a clip can do the trick, but the thread can come undone again if not secured by tying a knot or applying some skilled needlework. This may mean maintenance through mental health supports such as therapy or coaching, but it may also mean coupling and partnering with people who will bring the need for mending to your awareness instead of aiding you in pulling the thread. Discard the Garment. When a garment becomes frayed or tattered to the point where it leaves you exposed, it may be a sign that it is time to let the garment go. This may mean a whole relationship, or perhaps a defense mechanism or behavior that isn’t helpful in any circumstance. This week I challenge you to identify the common thread that threatens your undoing and tend to it with the care that it needs to make you whole. Manifestation Affirmations I am healthy, healed, and whole. I am maintaining my mental health and wellbeing. I am seen, heard, valued, protected, and loved.
Master Your Mindset to Manifest a Life You Love. Most Sincerely,
Monica Marie Jones
Your Soul Journey Guide