Last week one of the coaches in our group coaching community facilitated a powerful session on Self-Preservation. During one of our small group activities, she had us discuss the signs that let us know when it was time to increase our self-care. Some of the common themes that came up in my small group were that we become irritable, snippy, and impatient with others when we have been neglecting our needs.
When we are on the receiving end of undesirable treatment from someone, we generally make it about us, thinking we’ve done something bad or wrong. If not, we jump to judging them or assuming that they are simply an unkind person. Very rarely do we consider the root causes of the behaviors that we see.
I liken those behaviors to the parts of plants and trees that we can see. For example, think about your experience with fruit. Some are bitter while others are sweet, but what we taste actually has little to do with the fruit itself. What we experience is a result of many factors and parts of the growth process such as the seed, the soil, and the root of the fruit.
When you find yourself navigating challenging feelings within yourself, or experiencing negative behaviors from others, here are a few strategies to consider.
Give Grace. When the actions or reactions that we observe in others are like biting into a sour or bitter fruit, consider the root. You may be interacting with a person who has not made time to prioritize their basic human and emotional needs. This is not to say that they don’t want to. They may be supporting so many other humans as a parent, partner, caregiver, educator, or leader of a team that they find little if anything left to offer themselves. Until they are able to make the important connection that caring for self increases one’s ability to fully show up for everyone else, let’s offer them some grace.
See the Soil. When you see something amazing that someone has accomplished, it is just like looking at a colorful, perfectly ripe and sweet piece of fruit. Sometimes we fall into a tricky trap of comparing ourselves to these people, wishing we had what they have, or believing something is wrong with us if we don’t. What we don’t see, is the dirt and the shit (fertilizer) that they had to go through to grow into who they are and what they have today. Thinking inside of boxes and hiding in comfort zones may be the very thing that is holding you back. Have the hard conversations, navigate the challenging situations, and face the fears, for they are the nutrient rich and highly fertilized soil from which you will grow and thrive.
Trust the Ecosystem. Last summer I discovered that we had apple trees in our yard. I expected a mess of rotten fallen apples to clean up, but that was never the case. The deer and other animals not only eat them the moment they hit the ground, occasionally you can catch them up on their hind legs picking the fruit from the low hanging branches. This means that you don’t have to pick up all of the rotten fruit. Leave the bitter and rotten fruit to the trained listeners and professionals like therapists and coaches. They can support their clients by helping them turn their chaos into compost. This is the process of recycling unwanted scraps of organic waste and repurposing their nutrients for new growth.
This week I challenge you to examine the root of your fruit and imagine what might be at the root of what you receive from others. What lies beneath the surface may be the path to the answers we’ve been looking for and the true wants and needs that we must address.
I am remembering my roots.
I am turning my chaos into compost from which new life can grow.
I am doing deep work
Master Your Mindset to Manifest a Life You Love. Most Sincerely, Monica Marie Jones Your Soul Journey Guide www.MonicaMarieJones.com